Honesty Hour: Graduation

The past few months I have spent much of my free time reflecting, thinking, and planning for the next year of my life. In six months I will be moving out of Fargo for the last time, packing my bags and headed back to central North Dakota. In one year I will be graduating with my degree from NDSU, officially reaching one of my biggest goals in life. I will (hopefully) working at a job I've spent the last 4 years preparing myself for, studying for. All of this seems great, all things I've been wishing for, praying for since I first moved to Fargo three and a half years ago; but why is it that now I can see the light at the end of this long tunnel does it seem scary as hell?

Honestly, if you had told me my freshman year of college I'd be having these thoughts a year before graduation I would have laughed. At first, college was torture. I've always loved school, don't get me wrong, and college had always been a goal of mine; but my first year here I was miserable. There were multiple times I called my sister Cyndi crying that I couldn't do it, many times I almost packed my stuff and ran home; but with a little push from those who love me, I stuck it out. Sophomore year things got a little easier, I finally found the friends I could trust and loved to spend time with and finally found the major and career path I am excited for. Junior year was bliss, I loved my classes, I lived with amazing friends and everything was perfect. But now, as a senior, I couldn't be more scared and unsure.

I think the worst part of it all is knowing I have 23 credits left until graduation. Twenty credits on campus this semester, three credits next fall online. That's it. This past December, I had a large number of my close friends graduate. People that I came to NDSU knowing and now they've all moved on with real adult lives and it's scary. Slowly, but surely my friends are leaving. Who knows if I'll ever see them again or if we'll really stay in touch? I think these are the feelings that most people have after high school graduation (unless you're me).
I officially move out of Fargo for good in the beginning of June. This gives me around 6 months with the friends I have here, with my roommate, with my job. That's the worst part. I don't want to leave these things behind. It seems like it took me so long to find my place in college, to find the friends I know spend my time with, and now I have to leave them. I went through so many crappy roommates before I met Mari and now I don't want to move out on my own without her. I recently just started my job in September, but I am so in love with it that the thought of leaving breaks my heart.

Ever since I moved to Fargo in August of 2011, all I've wanted is to move back home and that is still what I want. I want to move back, have a real job that I love, be successful, be close to my family and friends. I thought by the time I was 22 I'd have it all figured out. I'd know where I wanted to be, who I wanted to be... but thinking about that now, I'm not even close to being grown up. Thinking that I'm an adult is the most absurd thing imaginable. In my head I'm still 8 years old and trying to decide what color is my favorite or if eating yogurt, even though I know it'll make me sick, is worth it (most of the time I think yes, but really it's not.. still haven't learned that lesson).

Moral of the story: I don't have life figured out and I think if any 22 year old tells you they know what they're doing in life and that they're satisfied, they're lying. Every time I think of what my future holds I freak out, but what always grounds me is something my 92 year old grandpa told me once right after I left for college, "Don't worry about not knowing what you want to be when you grow up, I still don't know either." 

Girls want to date jerks!?

A late night phone call from a friend of mine tonight struck a nerve in my brain. He had called mainly to vent and/or get girl advice (I'm not sure if he wanted the advice or just wanted to vent, in whichever case, he got a two-for-one!). One comment he made was along the lines of "Most girls seem to want guys who treat them like shit and they have no interest in the good ones." This really struck a nerve with me. 
How screwed up has our society come that people honestly believe that!? No one really wants to be treated like crap or ignored, so why do we let it happen? 

Tonight isn't the first time I've come across people thinking this way and I'm not saying that I haven't done it myself. I'll admit that I've been in a crappy relationship, or two, and I let someone treat me like dirt. Yet, I stayed with them. Why? Honestly, I'm not really sure. Maybe because I firmly believe that people can change if they choose to, or I may simply be stupid. Either way, you've most likely already guessed that those relationships did not last. One because I finally woke up and realized that I deserved better and the other (ironically the one who I thought was "better") disappointed me when I needed support the most. 

Now, I am not a relationship expert by any means nor am I a psychologist/sociologist/any other profession that understands people's' behavior. I am simply a 21 year old girl who has been in three serious relationships in my life. Now if you've done the math you know that two of these three were not healthy and did not last (The third is current and I couldn't be happier FYI).  

So my main thought for tonight... Absolutely no one deserves to be treated badly. Honestly, I don't care who you are or what you do, there is no reason for people to treat you badly. If you're genuinely a good person, great! If you're troubled, that's just more reason to treat you well. 
I believe that the way we think we should be treated is directly related to how we interact with others. If others treat you like crap constantly, you're going to think that's what you deserve. If those around you give you respect, you'll be more likely to expect it. This all circles back to self-esteem. 

While spending all of this time thinking about how upsetting it is that some individuals expect/want to be treated badly; I realized that it is equally as bad to expect your significant other to constantly bow down at your feet. I know girls who expect their boyfriend to do literally everything for them. They can't be bothered to lift a finger to open their own door, pay for their own meal, drive themselves to the grocery store, ect. Same goes for men. I know guys who expect their girlfriend to do their laundry, cook for them, ect.  Both are completely absurd. 

I guess what I'm trying to get at with this is that in a relationship there needs to be a balance. Yes, you should do nice gestures for them; but that doesn't mean you have to give up your life for them. But at the same time, you need to realize that no matter who you are, you deserve to be treated well by the person you're with. 

If you think you don't deserve someone who will treat you well or that you don't deserve to be loved just wait... I was that person too. Until one guy came into my life and changed it all. 

There's someone out there for everyone. You have an entire lifetime to meet that person. Odds are you already have or that they've been right under your radar the whole time.

Top 5 Life Lessons I Learned in FFA

In honor of it being National FFA week, today I have decided to take a stroll back into memory lane and pick out the top five lessons the organization taught me. A word of caution that it's not all puppies and rainbows; but that's life sometimes the wind blows (especially in North Dakota).

1. You can't be good at everything. 
This is a HUGE lesson I learned though my years of FFA. Up until I joined the organization I was so used to being great at everything I did (with the exception of math). This lesson set in quickly when my enthusiasm for the organization grew to the point where I wanted to participate in literally everything. Some things take practice, and lots of it. While sometimes it's just not your niche and no matter how hard you try you will never, ever be good at it.

2. People will inspire you.
Up until this point in my life, I had never been inspired by anyone I knew in real life. The more involved I became in FFA, the more people around me inspired me. I recall times when I was in complete awe of my peers. The stories they had to share, the struggles they've faced, and the achievements reached inspired me to be the best that I could be. I was not only inspired by the individuals themselves, but by how they interacted with each other. It amazed me how we each had one small thing in common, an interest in agriculture, and it somehow  us all together as a family. How a group of people who have never met can become so close so quickly really amazed me.

3. Achievements are meant to be shared.
Your success = chapter success
It works both ways. When you succeed, your teammates and your advisor succeed as well. Recognition feels great and is nothing to be ashamed about. Others are genuinely happy when you succeed and those around you want you to reach your goals no matter how big or small.

4. Not everyone is honest.
Now I know this one is kind of a downer, but it is true. No matter how good you think the individuals around you are, that is not always the case. Odds are there will always be someone in the bunch who does not have honest intentions. Often I've found that some will do anything to reach the top, no matter the cost. Be careful who you surround yourself with, because eventually in your life someone will use to to reach their own goals and they won't care who they hurt.

5. Passion leads to success. 
This is by far the most important lesson learned through my four years in FFA. When you are passionate about something, it doesn't matter if it is a contest, service project, or a future career; you're more likely to achieve. Why is this you might ask? I've found that when I'm passionate about something I have more ambition to put work into it. I tend to give my all to a task when it is a subject I care about. I've found the case is similar for others as well.

There you have it, the top 5 life lessons I learned in FFA. Some are good, some are bad and maybe a little ugly, but it's the truth. I couldn't be more grateful for my years in the organization. I learned so much about myself as a person as well as those around me. I discovered my passions, my dislikes and frankly I realized that I just suck sometimes.

"Learning to Do, Doing to Learn, Earning to Live, Living to Serve."

Song lyrics and opinions.

I was introduced to the song "Step Off" by Kasey Musgraves about a week ago thanks to my friend Becky. Since hearing the song for the first time I haven't been able to get the lyrics out of my head. But before I go on, listen for yourself: 

One line of lyrics in particular sticks out to me every time I listen (which lately tends to be on repeat). 

"Sticks and stones may build a throne but you'll be up there all alone."

If you've known me for more than a week you'll know that I'm one of those people that loves quotes that inspire. Just by glancing at my Pinterest or Facebook account you'd know right away that words inspire me. Which is why it comes as no surprise that I love this song. 

Around the same time I was introduced to this song, I also came across a quote on Pinterest that had a similar affect on me. It was a simple image with a white background and black words. Although there as nothing overly eye catching about the image that would have made it stand out from all of the kittens and craft projects on the popular page, I was drawn to it. Again if you've known me for any real amount of time the fact that I prefer simple designs above flashy and over the top, comes as no surprise. But it wasn't necessarily the design of the image that drew me in, it was the message. 

"You may be pretty, and you may be talented, but no one will remember that if you're mean."

-Katie Holmes

How often do we get caught up in society telling us that we have to be pretty, smart, talented, or extra ordinary to make a difference or be noticed? It may be just me, but I often get caught up in what others think of me not only appearance wise, but in what I have accomplished. When in all reality, what matters most to be a genuine, good person is to be kind. Yes I'll admit I've accomplished quite a lot in my 21 years of life and I plan to continue doing so throughout the years; but does it all really matter in the end? 

Not to get morbid or creepy on you, but at a funeral no one ever mentions "So and so won that public speaking contest in high school" or "They had received a lot of scholarships for college." There's a reason for this; people are going to remember WHO you are, not what you've done. 

When people hear my name I want their first thought to be, "Oh Kristine, she's a sweet girl" or something along those lines. I'd rather be "known" for being a good person, rather than my accomplishments. I'd rather be surrounded by people who care about me than material possessions. If you throw shade to get to where you're going in life, you'll be there alone with no one to share what you've accomplished. 

I encourage you to take a step back and look at your life. Try to view yourself from the outside and see what others see. And on that note, I leave you my fun friends.

Faith, Hope, and an adventurous life.

~Kristine

Why I've gathered you all here today.

When I am passionate about something I have this weird tendency to rant over it inside of my head or out loud to myself as if someone is actually there to listen. The subjects tend to vary from things that upset me, what moves me or simply an event I witnessed somewhere along the way. I always think to myself, "I'm going to write a Facebook status about this later," or "how could I manage to tweet this?" By the time I get to the point where either of these options are in front of me I have already ranted inside of my head to the point where I no longer have the ambition to condense it. Besides, who wants to constantly read about my thoughts on social media? Don't we all hate those people anyway? In high school I kept notebooks full of my thoughts. I thought that if i wrote it down that it'd make me feel better about the situation, no matter what it may be. But like most activities we enjoy as teenagers, I simply lost interest. It wasn't until recently that I thought about starting a blog. I have many friends that write blogs about different subjects (their life, ag advocacy, beauty products, ect) but I never actually thought it was for me. 

This semester I am taking a business and professional writing course, although we're only five weeks into the semester, it has made me realize how much I've missed writing. Up until a year ago I was an Agriculture Communication major. I loved being able to write and put my thoughts onto paper for someone else to read; but I found myself hating being told what I could and could not do. Slowly I began to dislike writing, changed my major and didn't give my decision a second thought. I now realize it wasn't the writing that I didn't enjoy, it was that I was constantly writing for a grade and being judged on my abilities. Even if I had written from a different perspective or felt as if my approach to the issue was great; the odds of my professors taking notice was slim to none. I mean, who is really going to remember what one student wrote for their essay when you have hundreds of others waiting for a grade as well? The answer; no one. 

And that leads us to now. Over the course of a few weeks I have had this little voice in my head nagging me to get back into the swing of this. Writing down how I view life. Who knows if it will last or if anyone will care enough to give it a second glance. But for the first time in a long time, I am writing for me. If someone else happens to take notice and cares enough to be affected by it, great. But in the end that doesn't really matter.  One thing I've always told myself is that no matter what I do in life at the end of the day if I'm happy, I have achieved all that I need. 

Peace, love, and an adventurous life.

~Kristine